Nativity is an almost perfect Christmas film riddled with safeguarding issues

Nativity! is a Christmas classic that might be a gorgeous festive treat, but it’s also every teacher’s worst nightmare.

The 2009 flick, which boasts a starry cast including Martin Freeman, Alan Carr, and Jason Watkins, has become a festive favourite over the years, currently in a firm top 10 position in Netflix’s most-watched list in the UK.

It’s the perfect family favourite that appeals to all ages, with cheeky jokes for the adults and silly songs for younger audiences, so what could possibly be the issue?

This film is nothing short of a safeguarding nightmare.

After watching it back as an adult, I was struck by how unrealistic some elements seemed – and rather far away from my very distant memories of primary school.

Chatting with some teachers has confirmed that this movie is chockablock with safeguarding issues, so let’s have a look through the movie’s biggest (and funniest) issues…

Mr Poppy

Mr Poppy is a lunatic who got the job of classroom assistant through nepotism and seemingly no qualifications. At one point, Mr Maddens (played by Martin Freeman) says that Mr Poppy is in fact ‘not a classroom assistant, he’s an absolute calamitous fool.’

While he makes for an excellent character – played by Marc Wooton – his decisions, such as calling an 11-year-old ‘eye candy’ and teaching children a provocative dance, certainly raise some eyebrows.

Amelia, an Assistant Headteacher, agrees that, regretably, in real life, Mr Poppy probably wouldn’t be hired.

She told Metro: ‘Yes! [He’s a] huge safeguarding risk! Although he would certainly lighten the mood at busy periods of the year, he wouldn’t lighten the workload!’

Louise Robins, Deputy Head of Early Years Foundation Stage at St Hilary’s School, said: ‘Fun is fabulous, but safeguarding relies on having clear roles, consistency and predictable adult behaviour, and needless to say, safer recruitment policies are a must. As well as remembering that glitter is not a food group and constantly reminding the children that scissors are tools, not toys!’

A school trip to see a live birth

Mr Poppy and Mr Maddens decide to take a spontaneous trip to a hospital to see a child being born. Which makes sense, as how could the kids properly act in a nativity when baby Jesus is born if they haven’t witnessed a woman give birth?

Were parents consulted about the day out of the classroom? Of course not! Were transportation and lunches organised? Shouldn’t have thought so! Unfortunately, it looks like this one is a big fat no-no too!

‘I’m not sure this trip would be suitable for most adults, let alone children. Would most likely end in the class being scarred for life, let alone the poor mother having to give birth in front of a group of children,’ said Amelia.

‘Spontaneous learning opportunities are wonderful. Spontaneous births? Less so!’ added Louise.

‘Trips require risk assessments, consent forms, ratios, planning and parental agreement, which needs to be sent out in plenty of time! Hospitals are not drop-in learning zones, and safeguarding, hygiene and emotional well-being would all be major concerns.’

A fight

When students from Oakmoor school arrive in the school playground to spy on their rehearsals, Mr Poppy encourages the children to get into a physical scrap against the rival school.

What results is about 40 kids having it out on a school playground – which is hilarious but UNSAFE.

‘Encouraging fighting would raise serious concerns around behaviour management, emotional safety and adult judgement and goes against any behaviour management policy and guidelines. Also, paperwork. So much paperwork – it’s a no from me!’ says Louise.

‘This is ridiculous! The injuries, the effect on the children spectating, the parents, staff involvement – everything about it screams concerning,’ says Amelia.

A quick trip to LA

Schoolchildren, William and Saffron, get to go on a quick trip to Los Angeles at one point with Mr Maddens to try and convince his ex-girlfriend (who they believe is now a Hollywood exec) to come and watch their play.

Of course, taking children to America (with consent forms forged by Mr Poppy) is actually somewhat of a criminal offence, and slightly unrealistic in real life.

‘That’s not an off-site visit, that is an international disaster waiting to happen that no one wants on their hands!’ said Louise.

‘This would trigger every safeguarding policy, alarm bells, and well, an imaginable Ofsted nightmare! Say no more, it would end my career faster than a child who is lost at soft play!’ 

‘Surely this is kidnapping? The safeguarding risks are endless,’ added Amelia. But she adds crucially: ‘However, if there was a way to get around this and manage a last-minute trip to LA and call it “work” – I would be interested.’

The Nativity play

The play itself is another ever-so-slightly unrealistic performance from a primary school.

In the show, a child sings from a cutout of the moon that hovers across the stage in a stunning but slightly daring display, a child dressed as an angel also flies across the stage in a harness, and children dressed as three wise men arrive on camelback to the stage.

Budget aside, the combination of live animals and professional rigging seems a bit of a challenge to get past the safeguarding concerns.

‘Magical? Yes. Risk-assessed and approved? Highly doubtful!’ says Louise.

‘Whilst we all love a memorable Nativity, and want the children’s parents to remember their child’s first acting debut performance, safeguarding this would require checking weight limits, harness safety, insurance, animal welfare, risk assessments, parental consent and probably the local council.

‘Realistically, we stick to tea towels, tinsel halos, one child refusing to be a sheep, and praying to god there’s no arguing over the baby Jesus.’

Amelia argued: ‘This I might be able to get on board with – with the correct equipment, risk assessments and parental approval.’

She added: ‘These elements would make for a pretty epic nativity performance (as long as they were managed properly).’

So now here is the real question: is this film so much of a nightmare that teachers can’t actually bring themselves to watch it? Fortunately, that’s not the case!

‘Yes I can watch it! Usually with my class and just for laughs! As long as I don’t consider the risk assessments, I find it quite hilarious,’ said Amelia.

Louise added that she too still loves the film: ‘I have to admit, it is actually one of my favourite Christmas films because it is heartwarming, funny, albeit wildly unrealistic, deeply chaotic (and would result in instant dismissal in real life!) But that’s simply that’s the joy of it.

‘As a teacher, I watch it knowing it’s fantasy, laughing through the stress because I truly know how hard the job really is. The rehearsals, the day of the show, when Mary is off ill and the only option for a stand-in is the child we know who’ll cry, and then the relief and emotion we have after we’ve nailed yet another performance that makes us proud and the parents overjoyed. 

‘I have been a part of 24 early years foundation stage Nativities and usually have the job of narrating (which, by all means is no mean feat!) And do I cry at the end each year, absolutely. Is it magic!’

Since Nativity’s release, three more films have been released in the series; Danger in the Manger in 2012, Dude, Where’s My Donkey? in 2014, and Nativity Rocks! in 2018 – with Craig Revel Horwood, David Tennant, Martin Clunes, and Catherine Tate making appearances in these beloved sequels, which are, of course, as equally bonkers.

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