When Christmas dinner is winding down instead of listening to grandad’s gravy burps, there’s nothing like a joke about Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor to perk things up.
The former Prince had all his titles removed after more details about his friendship with sex offender Jeffrey Epstein were released in the US.
And now he’s the butt of the nation’s favourite Christmas cracker joke this year, according to the comedy channel U&GOLD.
The winning cracker joke asks: ‘Why is Prince Andrew not writing any Christmas books? He hasn’t got any titles!’
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Queue the faint laughter as you eye up the Yorkshire puddings.
The former prince was a popular choice for comedic Brits, with a second joke about him reaching the top 10.
That one goes: ‘What do Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor and a snowman have in common? They’re both out in the cold.’
He’s not the only public figure to fall foul of the country’s sharp wit, with Reform UK leader Nigel Farage and former deputy PM Angela Rayner also making the list.
‘Why won’t Angela Rayner get any Christmas presents this year? Santa can’t decide which address to deliver to.’
That will be sure to set off some awkward debate around the Christmas dinner table.
The joke references the tax scandal that forced the then housing secretary to step down in September.
An independent ethics investigation found that she failed to pay the correct stamp duty on her seaside flat.
Top 10 funniest new Christmas cracker jokes for 2025
According to U&GOLD
- Why is Prince Andrew not writing any Christmas books? He hasn’t got any titles!
- Why don’t Noel and Liam want to open their presents early on Christmas morning? They need a little time to wake up.
- Which pop star carves her own wooden Nativity scene? Sabrina Carpenter
- What do Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor and a snowman have in common? They’re both out in the cold.
- What is a French burglar’s favourite Christmas film? Louvre, Actually.
- Could Lily Allen and David Harbour get back together for Christmas? Stranger Things have happened!
- Why won’t Angela Rayner get any Christmas presents this year? Santa can’t decide which address to deliver to.
- What is Claudia Winkleman’s favourite part of Christmas dinner? The Taters
- Does Celia Imrie beat her family at Christmas party games? Yes, she trumps them all
- Where has Santa been more than Nigel Farage? His house in Clacton
The author of the winning joke, Ben Smith, from Chelmsford, received the top prize of £1,500 towards a holiday, as well as a festive hamper and a box of bespoke U&GOLD Christmas Crackers.
If you have an appetite for a few more corny quips, then here are the jokes that just missed out on the top 10.
One on President Trump goes: ‘Why does Trump’s Christmas turkey have a piece missing? He carved up the East Wing’
The prime minister was targeted in the other: ‘What’s the difference between Keir Starmer and Jesus? Jesus could put together a solid cabinet’.
U&GOLD challenge their audience to think up their best topical Christmas cracker jokes for an annual competition.
The submissions were shortlisted by a panel of judges before an anonymous public vote of 2,000 British adults.
Comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who led the U&GOLD judging panel, said: ‘An absolutely stellar list of jokes this year – possibly one of our best ever in the thirteen years U&GOLD has been running this competition.
‘2025 has featured a number of news-worthy moments, and there’s a real mix of topical jokes here that poke fun at some of the year’s headlines.’
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