Relationship expert reveals hidden signs your phone is ruining your romance

Published 5 hours ago
Source: metro.co.uk
A couple sat up next to each other in bed with their arms crossed and looking away from each other.
A relationship expert has revealed that arguing less with your partner could be a sign your mobile phone is ruining your relationship. Dr Kathy Nickerson, 51, a clinical psychologist from Orange County, California, has revealed how smartphones lead to the demise of countless relationships without the couple even realising. She says phones are reshaping how couples connect – and this can cause a disconnect. While some of the signs this is happening are obvious (for example, your partner is scrolling instead of responding when you talk), others are easier to ignore until it’s too late. (Picture: Getty Images)
Dr Kathy said ‘micro-rejections’ in the form of repeated glances at a phone by your partner can be a sign they are disconnected, leaving you feeling unimportant. And if your arguments get cut short (or avoided altogether) and difficult topics never get resolved, this can be a sign you are using your phone as an escape, thus eroding your relationship. Dr Kathy said: ‘Phones are not just a distraction. Over-involvement with a phone creates painful emotional distance. This lack of responsiveness sends a subtle but powerful message that the phone is more interesting or valuable than the person sitting right there. When people feel devalued, they share less, retreat inward, and slowly drift away from each other.’ (Picture: Getty Images)
Meanwhile, your phone might reduce conflict, but not for the right reasons. Dr Kathy (pictured) said instead of staying engaged in a disagreement to resolve it, people turn to their screens – and this can prevent healing. She said: ‘This avoidance prevents healing and leads to long-term resentment. In many cases, what looks like a relationship problem is actually a habit loop. Smartphones are designed to be addictive, so people often reach for them automatically to regulate stress or escape discomfort.’ (Picture: Dr Kathy Nickerson/SWNS)
A reduction in ‘emotional attunement’ is also a sign of phones having a detrimental impact on a relationship. This includes things like eye contact, facial expressions and tone of voice, which go by the wayside when a person is scrolling while talking. She said: ‘When screens interrupt these cues, empathy drops and partners begin to feel unseen or misunderstood. I often hear people say, “I feel invisible”, which is incredibly destabilizing for a relationship.’ (Picture: Dr Kathy Nickerson/SWNS)
But Dr Kathy said there are ways to fix this, such as setting boundaries like ‘tech-free zones’ in the house or having phone-free times of the day. ‘The good news is that boundaries can make a real difference. The strategies that work best are simple and collaborative,’ she explained. Meanwhile, knowing what to look out for can help couples spot when they fall into this ‘habit loop’ and address it. She added that the issue should be tackled collaboratively rather than assigning blame. (Picture: Dr Kathy Nickerson/SWNS)
If only one person in the relationship sees the issue, it can be tackled sensitively. Dr Kathy said: ‘If your partner is always on their phone, begin by expressing how their behavior makes you feel rather than criticizing them. A gentle statement like, “I miss you when we are together but both on our phones,” opens the door to connection.’ She added: ‘Most people are not intentionally ignoring their partner. They are caught in a habit. With compassion and collaboration, couples can rebuild connection, tenderness, and genuine intimacy very quickly.’ (Picture: Getty Images)

Signs your phone could be ruining your relationship:

• Your partner is scrolling instead of responding when you talk.
• Conversations feel one-sided because the other person is distracted by their phone.
• You notice less eye contact during interactions.
• Their facial expressions or tone of voice don’t match the conversation because they’re focused on the screen.
• You feel ignored, unseen, or ‘invisible.’
• You feel your partner is emotionally distant or not present with you.
• Your partner retreats inward or shuts down when you try to connect.

(Picture: Getty Images)

Signs your phone could be ruining your relationship:

• Arguments get cut short or avoided because one person turns to their phone instead of staying engaged.
• Difficult topics never get resolved because the phone becomes an escape.
• There is less intimacy and fewer small moments of affection or closeness.
• You spend time together but don’t share laughter or casual companionship like you used to.
• You realise you have fewer meaningful conversations because screens dominate downtime.
• The relationship starts to feel transactional instead of warm or emotionally alive.

(Picture: Getty Images)

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