A colleague told me to ‘spread my legs’ to earn a contract

Shortly before meeting clients in my new finance job, I was given a brief that I’ll never forget.

I was told by a male colleague that I should be willing to ‘spread my legs’ for the contract. 

‘Just do whatever it takes,’ he added casually, as though he’d asked me to prepare a presentation.

I was so shocked I could barely speak. I mumbled that this wasn’t how I worked and rushed away, feeling my face burn with a mixture of humiliation and disbelief.

A few weeks later, in front of my entire team, I was asked if I’d slept with a new client to win the business. One male colleague laughed. The rest sat in uncomfortable silence. 

I fired back that I didn’t need to sleep with clients, that my work spoke for itself. I was considered difficult for not going along with the degrading comments but my seniors were never held to account for their remarks.

These stories read as if they’re from 50 years ago, but sadly, this was my reality in the last decade – not every day, but often enough that the anxiety became background noise.

I’d worked so hard to get there. After my Masters, I joined a graduate programme.

It should have been the proudest chapter of my career. Instead, it became a lesson in navigating an old boys’ club that protected its own at any cost.

The isolation was the hardest part. There were few women my age, and while I bonded with other young female colleagues facing similar treatment, not all my female colleagues were allies. 

Then there were the clients. The inappropriate comments, the groping, and the man who said he’d pay £1 million to kiss me. I quipped that ‘he couldn’t afford me’. 

Humour became my armour, but underneath, I felt so desperately alone.

Throughout my entire career, I didn’t come across a single man who faced severe consequences for harassment or bullying.

It felt like power and money created a protective shield. 

In my experience, HR departments, whose job is to safeguard employees, often struggle to challenge those at the top. They’re discouraged from having difficult conversations, prioritising the institution’s reputation over individual well-being.

Eventually, I moved to a different role under a much more respectful boss. But the experience never left me.

According to the Trades Union Congress, more than half of women (58%) have experienced sexual harassment at work, yet the vast majority nevernever report it. In 2024, the Financial Times reported a two-thirds spike in bullying cases across financial services. 

More people are speaking up now, yet many still remain silent, fearing the negative repercussions it could have on their career. I realised I wanted to do more to help.   

I wanted to support people in finding their voice before they reached breaking point, to add conflict resolution and proper support to guide them through situations similar to those I’d had.

Looking back at the shocking comments aimed at me, I wish I’d had the confidence to report those responsible. Now, I empower others to speak up. 

Offensive work environments don’t just manifest through misogyny and toxic workplaces damage everyone, just in different ways. 

One of my male colleagues was a clear victim of racism and aggressive bullying. He suffered from a huge drop in confidence, depression, difficulty sleeping, and anxiety. He was broken, and it really hurt me to see that in such a lovely man.

Invicta Vita provide coaching and mentoring to help people build confidence, find career paths that align with their skills and personality, and most importantly, speak up when faced with toxic behaviour. 

That’s what finally drove me to leave the financial sector and create Invicta Vita. 

Change must come from the top. Leaders must not ignore toxic behaviour or ask their teams to stay quiet. 

There needs to be real consequences for harassment and bullying. HR departments need to be empowered to serve and protect employees honestly and objectively.

To anyone experiencing workplace harassment or bullying: document everything. Find witnesses where possible. Seek out a mentor who can guide you through reporting processes and support your well-being. 

The real shifts won’t come from boardroom manifestos alone, but from those of us who know the game, stepped away, and built something better that will challenge it. 

No job, contract, promotion or money is worth sacrificing self-respect.

It’s time we demanded better, and held those in power accountable when they fail to deliver. 

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected]. 

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