I love loud sex with my girlfriend — but my childhood bedroom is a mood killer

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week we hear from Michelle*, a 29-year-old journalist who lives in London, and has been with her girlfriend, Iris*, for four years.

The pair met on Bumble a year after Michelle came out to her loved ones.

‘I dated a few girls before her, but she’s definitely my first serious girlfriend,’ Michelle says. ‘I hadn’t kept my queer sexuality a secret really, but coming out was still such a relief. My family and friends were thankfully really supportive, and they all love Iris.’

They have sex about four times a week on average, and Michelle finds their sex life ’empowering’.

‘Having sex makes me feel more like myself than ever before, and not only do Iris and I have fun together, I really trust her,’ she says.

‘But I’d like our sex life to be more liberated. Between flatmates and staying at parents’ houses we can’t make noise, and our most fun sex has always been noisy.’

So, without any further ado, here’s how she got on over Christmas…

The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.

Monday

Iris and I have come to say with my parents, as we’re having a big family gathering later this week, a yearly tradition. Today we’ve been doing lots of batch cooking, while also working from home, but Iris feels like she’s coming down with an illness.

I’m seeing my grandma later this week and so Iris is wary of making me sick. It’s selfless of her, but I’m a very tactile person and I really want to give her a kiss.

By the end of the day she feels much better and realises she was just tired, so she pulls me into the kitchen while everyone else is in the lounge and we share a kiss.

Being at my parents’ house is a weird mixture of feelings – stolen kisses feel fun and taboo, but trying to have sex has been a bit less exciting – it’s hard to get lost in the moment when you’re staring up at your old My Chemical Romance posters and trying to be as silent as possible.

We share some long kisses in bed tonight but we don’t try to have sex. I’m just too self-conscious with my parents one thin wall away. I wouldn’t enjoy it.

Tuesday

There are people all over the house. The bathrooms are also in constant use, so even shower sex is out of the question.

Iris and I have been adventurous with sex before, so I suggest going on a walk to get out of the chaos. We find a quiet place in the park and manage a snog, but dog walkers spot us.

We could probably make it through a week without having sex at all, but neither of us want to go long without at least kissing.

PDA in front of my parents makes me feel like spontaneously combusting with embarrassment, so finding a quiet spot together is a must – physical touch is my love language, and it makes me feel happy and wanted.

The kiss in the park is fun, but it makes us both feel a little frustrated as we can’t find time alone to let it lead to more.

For the rest of the day we have family time eating and watching movies together – chastely holding hands under the blanket is about as steamy as things get.

Wednesday

I go for drinks with some friends while Iris goes out separately with some of her friends. I get home feeling happy and tipsy, and I’m pleased to see Iris is back.

My parents are already asleep so we can think about having a little intimacy, but I can’t get over sex at home being such a turn-off; we can’t be loud, we can’t use any vibrating toys (even the quiet ones emit a tell-tale buzzing), and my childhood bedroom is hardly a sexy environment.

Nevertheless, we kiss a little after whispering in bed, and Iris starts to finger me. I feel myself getting turned on and all of a sudden the awkwardness of being in my childhood bedroom melts away.

I turn to her and put my hand over her mouth while fingering her so she can’t make any noise – the fact that she’s trying so hard to be quiet while she orgasms is a huge turn-on, but it feels less like a good session and more like a build-up for when we get back to our own flat.

Thursday

It’s the day of the big family gathering, and it mostly revolves around food. After a huge breakfast together, closely followed by a huge lunch — and the entire family talking over one another — I’m exhausted.

I’m completely stuffed with food and booze, and I’ve had a bit of a wobble. I’ve been happily in recovery from anorexia for years and rarely feel awful about it anymore, but eating a lot with my family has knocked me back a little.

Eating around a lot of people can be triggering, but Iris supports me in small, thoughtful ways, like reading takeaway menus out loud to me so I don’t have to read the calorie counts.

I cuddle up to Iris in bed and she can sense that my thoughts are racing with my old feelings about my body. She kisses me all over and touches the parts of my body I feel most insecure about; I love her for this.

She absolutely loves the way I look, even the bits I struggle to like about myself. It’s made me feel much more confident, which in itself is such a turn-on.

The fact that she knows me so well, even my insecurities, does make our connection so much stronger. We don’t have sex, but this moment feels even more intimate.

Friday

My parents and brother have gone out for a cold-water swim. This is my idea of hell, so me and Iris stay at home to make dinner for when they come back.

While my family are away freezing their toes off, we hop in the steamy shower together. There’s nobody in the house, but it’s quite small and the neighbours’ houses are pressed close to ours, so I still feel a little self-conscious about making noise.

Iris touches me and soaps up my boobs and bum, but we don’t have sex. The thought of my parents getting back early and hearing us is mortifying.

Still, looking at her naked body in the shower makes me look forward to heading back to our own flat in a few days’ time.

Saturday

I’ve been seeing extended friends in Manchester today and have come back to my parents’ house absolutely exhausted, so anything resembling sex is off the cards tonight.

Iris and I have a peck and fall asleep for our last night here – we’ll be going back to our flat early tomorrow morning.

Sunday

We’re back in our own home today, and while being with the family was fun, it’s nice to have some breathing space.

In the evening I’m doing my skincare routine and Iris pulls me into the bedroom. We can finally make as much noise as we’d like in our own flat, so she goes down on me.

The freedom of not having to stay stiff and silent makes it all the more fun. I orgasm quickly – it’s been a while so it doesn’t take much – then afterwards I bring out our vibrator and use it on her while she fingers me.

The vibrator is kind of long and curved, so it can be used internally to reach the G-spot, which Iris prefers; I prefer external stimulation, so her touching my clit is exactly what I like.

We both come pretty intensely, her twice, then lie dazed in bed for a while after. The family party was fun, but sex is way better when it’s far away from your childhood home!

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