Everyday I wake up anxious about how I’ll manage to pay my bills and buy groceries, living in constant fear that bailiffs might show up because I’ve fallen into debt.
Christmas is no exception, as I’ll be struggling to afford gifts for the children. I buy them things they need like shoes and coats and they’re really grateful for the presents they receive.
There’s no way I could afford to buy them phones, Playstations that other children might get. This year again I’ll be relying on school food vouchers for Christmas and I saved all my Sainsbury’s Nectar points throughout the year to put towards a festive shop.
This makes me feel terrible, especially when they hear about other children at school going on holidays and trips to see Santa.
The childrens’ school kindly linked us up with a charity that is going to donate some presents for them, and another organisation is going to deliver a festive food hamper, including a turkey so we can have a Christmas dinner.
My two grandchildren, who are 8 and 14, lost their mum, my daughter Francesca, in January 2020, when she was just 31.
We had known since 10 years earlier that my daughter had a rare life-limiting autoimmune condition called antisynthetase syndrome, alongside osteoporosis and pulmonary hypertension, which restricted her ability to breathe.
For the last year of her life Francesca was confined to her bed because she had broken her hip and leg.
Although we had been preparing for her premature death, it was so sudden when it came. My 8-year-old grandson found her in the bath, unconscious.
I rushed up to my daughter and held her head out of the water while I called an ambulance.
The paramedics seemed to take ages. When they arrived, they did CPR for a further hour but tragically didn’t manage to save her.
In spite of everything, Francesca somehow stayed so positive, even when she was on oxygen for the last 3 years of her life and then bed bound.
I knew that I would be raising my grandchildren after she was gone. There was no other parent to take care of them.
Kinship charity at Christmas
Kinship charity conducted a poll of 1018 kinship carers last year which revealed that 6 in 10 were worried about being able to afford presents for their kinship children.
1 in 5 thought they would have to use food banks over the Christmas period, and almost half said they were likely, or very likely to fall into debt to pay for Christmas.
Kinship families can access support at: https://kinship.org.uk/advice-topic/festive-period/.
I’d been caring for them for the last year before my daughter died, as I was her full-time carer, we were very close.
Although I’m fit, healthy, and resilient, I suffer with life-long PTSD, from growing up in a domestically abusive environment. It means I suffer with anxiety and struggle to get out of my house, but I have to.
I have been lucky to receive some invaluable counselling, which has helped me through challenging circumstances, including the death of my husband who died when I was 40.
But I’m constantly trying to get the grandchildren the bereavement and specialist therapeutic support they need to deal with their grief and loss but it’s a battle I’m not winning.
They desperately need support to deal with their trauma and loss, they sometimes struggle with extreme feelings and emotions.
The local authority says it can’t help and I cannot afford private therapy.
But I have to stay strong and keep going. My son moved in to help me with the children. He helps me so much financially, emotionally and practically.
He collects my granddaughter from school and helps with housework. I don’t know what I’d do without him. But he has his own life to live and a job.
I’ve been sleeping on the sofa for the last six years as we live in a 2-bed housing association property. I don’t have any privacy or a space of my own to have a little cry if I need to. My granddaughter sleeps on a mini sofa next to me.
We are in desperate need of a larger home.
I’m forced to rely on benefits which consist of widow, housing, child, council tax and Universal Credit. But I’m still left with no money at the end of each month – I’m always in debt due to the council tax.
We don’t go out anywhere, or on holiday. I don’t have a car. My lovely neighbour is taking the kids to Santa’s grotto because I can’t afford to.
Kinship Charity support
Kinship also provides free peer support groups across England and Wales for kinship carers where they can meet and speak to other kinship carers in a similar position who can listen and give emotional support and advice as they can understand and empathise.
Support can be found at: https://kinship.org.uk/support-and-advice/support-groups/
When things break down, like my oven before last Christmas, I couldn’t afford to replace it but the charity Kinship helped get me a grant for a new oven. It meant we could have a Christmas dinner.
There have been times we have gone without any heat, using blankets and dressing gowns to stay warm, because we have to choose between food and warmth.
Despite the constant worry, the children bring so much joy into my life, I am very proud of them.
My granddaughter is always drawing me pictures and my grandson thanks me when I’m able to afford to buy him new clothes because he knows we’re struggling.
Too much of our lives have been overshadowed by grief, but we find joy in simple things like walking home from school together, being in nature and cuddling up to watch a film on the sofa.
Kinship carers like me are doing the same role as a foster family, providing the same love and care, but to our own biological families.
If I hadn’t stepped up, the children would have been placed in care, so we shouldn’t be denied the same support as foster carers.
That’s why I support Kinship charity’s #ValueOurLove campaign as it’s fighting to get better financial, emotional, therapeutic and practical support for kinship families.
Kinship families save the government a fortune by keeping more than 140,000 children in England and Wales out of the care system.
But unless these children receive therapeutic support, there will be a price to pay later down the line. Without it, kinship children could end up struggling with their mental health, when they have been through so much loss and trauma already.
I hope that the government will listen to kinship families and provide the financial, emotional and therapeutic support that we urgently require.
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