My worst parenting moment to date happened in May this year when my daughter, exhausted after her swimming lesson, threw an epic tantrum in the middle of a Pizza Express.
It started with crying. Then she stood on a chair and tried to shake the railing on the side.
When we tried to get her to calm down, she threw herself to the floor and screamed her head off.
Eventually, embarrassed, I flung her over my shoulder in a fireman’s carry and hurried out of the restaurant.
As I waited in the cold, dark, winter evening for the rest of my family to emerge – my husband was hastily paying the £91 bill and bundling the other children into their jackets – a Deliveroo driver stared in disapproval at my still distraught daughter, and a woman who was walking past stopped to stare.
That’s when it hit me: eating out with children is no longer worth it and I will not be doing it again.
I’ve always seen eating out as a treat. I love not having to figure out what to cook that night or deal with the clean-up afterwards. My husband and I ate out at least once a week before we had children.
I used to be a restaurant reviewer and I once reviewed nine restaurants in three days. I love food and eating out was always one of life’s greatest joys.
Before having children I never minded them in restaurants as long as they behaved. A crying baby did not annoy me, but little children running around without supervision made me raise an eyebrow.
Looking back, I wish I had been more understanding then that parents were just exhausted – I would never say anything, however.
After giving birth, I wanted our son to have the privilege of eating out and to learn how to behave in society.
However, I quickly learned not all restaurant-goers are a fan of junior diners.
Even though I always used a scarf, I still remember the judgemental stares I’d get for breastfeeding my baby at the table. It was clear some people deemed it inappropriate and I can’t tell you how many hours I spent feeding them in the loo as a result.
Things only got harder as the kids got bigger too.
After travelling for hours to a hotel, my husband and I took the kids for dinner. It was 7pm and the restaurant was abuzz with plenty of other patrons, yet the two women on the table next to us saw our presence as a problem.
Throughout the meal they complained loudly several times about how irresponsible we were for keeping our baby up late or saying how ‘they should be in bed’. It had been a long journey and the comments upset me. I had to bite my lip to stop from crying – it felt unfair and I wish I had said something, instead of ignoring them.
I think they felt guilty though as, after their meal, they made a point of coming over to say that they could tell we were ‘good parents’. The hypocrisy was astounding.
Because of these interactions and many more, I’ve always tried to be considerate of other diners. I always take a bag of toys and crayons with me to entertain them and the phone only comes out if that doesn’t work.
But even that isn’t enough to please some people. The disapproving looks if you let your children have screen time, if they dare to make a loud noise, or make a mess on the floor and the table is enough to make your blood run cold.
Not all our family dining experiences have been bad though. Our local Italian is incredibly family-friendly and on some occasions the waitress there has even taken our son while we were eating and walked him around the restaurant – that was an act of kindness I will never forget.
I also know that it will get easier for the children as they get older. Our oldest is ten and now sits and behaves for an entire meal, that’s partly because he has a better understanding of the behaviour that’s expected of him, but also because he doesn’t tire or bore as easily.
Even so, I won’t be eating out in restaurants now until the kids are all older. While I don’t mind paying money for a treat, spending often three-figures for an experience that leaves me more stressed than before is just not worth it.
Instead, we order from Deliveroo. Same food, less stress.
It’s a shame it’s come to this but I think it’s society that is to blame – not my children.
There is a growing intolerance towards children in public spaces and while I don’t think children should be allowed to behave badly in restaurants – it’s up to parents to make sure their children don’t throw food, shout or run around – we do have to accept that, sometimes, they have a moment.
Yes, children have tantrums and sometimes these can happen in the most unexpected places (like Pizza Express). But they also learn by watching as much as by being told what to do.
The more children are respected and welcomed into society, the more they will become functioning members of it.
As for the rest of us, a little bit of understanding can go a long way.
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