I met Danny Dyer at his caravan park and discovered a ‘serial pool pooper’

Danny Dyer isn’t a man who’s afraid of a bit of hard graft.  

In his 30-year-long career, the Cockney charmer and Rivals star has appeared in more than 40 films, dazzled punters with his Pinter, and met some pretty deadly men.  

Yet his newest challenge might be his toughest yet. The former EastEnders star and his daughter, Dani Dyer, are hoping to bring back the Great British holiday with a new Sky show.

To do so, they’re investing in a caravan holiday park in the UK and putting in a shift on site, mowing lawns, hosting events – basically helping out wherever they can. 

Still as happy as the pair were to get their hands dirty, when I met Danny and Dani at Priory Hill and Nutts Farm Holiday Park last summer, the big-screen geezer admitted there was one job he never thought he’d be dealing with.  

‘There was a serial…someone who liked to have a sh*t in the swimming pool,’ he complained. ‘I did say, “If you can, can you please stop sh*tting in the swimming pool”.’ 

As funny as the idea of Danny Dyer hunting down a serial pool pooper is (Sky commission this drama now), the pair really haven’t shied away from the less glamorous work.  

When we met Danny – complete with Rivals’ porn ‘tashe – he was cleaning out a pool filter with his hands while Dani had been cleaning caravans. 

‘Can you please stop sh*tting in the swimming pool?’

‘I love organising things,’ she laughs as we sat down with her. ‘I love all that. It’s so therapeutic, like putting all the chocolates in a vending machine. Oh, I love it. I love all cleaning.’ 

Danny, meanwhile – once he’d finished quizzing me and my fellow journos on why we weren’t having a beer  – admits he put all his theatrical skills into dressing up as the park’s mascot, Bode Bear, one day. 

‘I have a newfound respect for mascots,’ he grumbled. 

‘I’d never been in [a mascot costume], it was really claustrophobic. It was the opening of the park, so they said to me, “Listen, you can’t break the spell for the kids. Once you’re the bear, you’re the bear”. 

‘There was a moment I was having a panic attack under the head, but I just had to wear it somehow. It was really odd.’ 

‘Once you’re the bear, you’re the bear’

So why are the Dannys willing to put themselves through all this? Well, because they genuinely believe there’s something special about caravan parks.  

‘My nan had a caravan down [Canvey Island], my aunts, my uncles, my cousins, and all of my family would go to this same caravan site,’ Danny explained.  

‘So I wouldn’t see my cousins for months and months, and then we’d turn up together on Canvey Island, and I would just have the best time… It’s always stayed with me. 

‘It’s a very working-class holiday. It’s mostly for working-class people. It’s about a sense of community. We’ve lost that. We live in a very divisive time, and it’s very difficult. No one’s really interacting with each other anymore, and this is what I love about this place.  

‘It’s such a beautiful thing to watch’

‘Kids playing, laughing on bikes. Just putting fresh air in their f*cking lungs. ‘It’s such a beautiful thing to watch, instead of having their brains zapped all day? 

‘When I was a teenager, I used to always go down the caravan with [my friends]  for a week in the summer holidays,’ Dani added. ‘We loved it… So for me, it reminds me of my little summer breaks.’ 

Of course, the elder Danny knows that people ‘turn their nose up’ when they hear the word caravan, but that’s why he knew he needed the younger Dani by his side.  

‘I don’t think [caravanning] has got a good reputation at the moment. It’s not a cool thing to do,’ before adding that’s why he asked Dani to help.  

‘It’s not a cool thing to do’

‘Dani can bring younger eyes, because obviously I’ve not got a f*cking clue I’m doing,’ he laughed before proudly explaining how she’s convinced them to add glamping to the park.  

So what would the Dyers consider a success?  

Well, there’s no easy answer to that, but it’s clear they’re both proudest of the sports day they held.  

‘A sports day was something that went on for years and years here,’ Danny said. ‘Where everyone got involved, all the adults, all the kids, came together and then it stopped.’  

So the Dyers brought it back, pitting the Priory Hill and Nutts Farm sides of the camp against each other.  

‘It’s about bringing everyone together as a community,’ Danny explained. It all went down to the last event, the tug of war and Nutts Farm won. 

‘But the kids were really excited, the adults were excited, and everyone was there. And it was like, maybe we can do this. Maybe we can bring people together and actually go back to the old days.’

Can the Dyers restore the Great British holiday? I don’t know, but they’re off to a good start.  

Oh, and if you’re wondering who the serial pooper was, Dani had the answer: ‘We think it was kids.’

The Dyers’ Caravan Park launches on 24 February on Sky and NOW. 

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