She proposed to me last Valentine’s Day – I felt so bad I had to say yes

There’s cold feet, and then there’s this week’s reader…

Would you be able to say ‘I do’ in front of all your family and friends if you knew deep down that the person standing opposite wasn’t the one for you?

After his girlfriend got down on one knee in public and proposed, this week’s reader panicked and is now in the home stretch of an upcoming wedding he wants no part of.

How can he possibly get himself out of this?

Check out our expert’s advice below, and before you go, take a look at last week’s dilemma, from a man who just found out his wife once slept with his son-in-law.

The problem…

I’m due to get married in May and just know I’m doing the wrong thing. My fiancée is lovely and I don’t want to criticise her, but she’s not the one for me. 

I’ve been with her for over two years, and we have been planning this wedding, or should I say she has, for the last year.

She actually proposed to me on Valentine’s Day 2025, and because we were in a crowd of people, I didn’t want to embarrass her and found myself saying “yes”. Since then, I’ve just gone along with all the plans, occasionally thinking to myself “is this the right thing for me?” 

The invitations have all been sent out, the outfits have been bought, the venue has been hired – basically, a fortune has already been spent and everyone (except me) is excited about the day. Her parents and mine agreed to split the bill, so it won’t just be her mum and dad who are upset if I call it off. 

She is beautiful, funny, intelligent, great in bed, and pretty much possesses all the attributes you’d want from a wife. When I expressed my doubts to a close friend, he just looked at me and asked if I’d gone mad. He said I’d never meet anyone so amazing again. 

Everyone thinks she’s wonderful and I’m lucky to have her. I think that’s what I’ve been telling myself too for the last year. 

I honestly can’t fault her or tell you what the problem is. But for some reason the chemistry is wrong and I’m just not feeling it. 

I know I need to call off this wedding but I don’t know how to do it without upsetting a lot of people. 

What advice would you give this week’s reader?Comment Now

The advice 

I can’t get my head around the fact that you’ve ‘gone along’ with these wedding plans for a year, and not bailed out before now. Surely you realised that the nearer you got to the day, the harder it would be? 

And now you’re asking for advice about how to call off the wedding without upsetting people.

Short answer – you can’t, but you must nevertheless bite the bullet and do it. Distressing though it will be, you have to sit your fiancée down and talk to her honestly about how you feel. You may even find that she’s sensed your doubts all along. 

She’ll be distraught and her parents will undoubtedly be furious. Your own mum and dad will probably be shocked too, but will hopefully be there for you and give you the support you’re going to need. 

The alternative to cancelling it now is to go ahead with the wedding and then, in all likelihood, break her heart in a few years’ time – perhaps when you have small children. There’s bad and there’s worse, and postponing this difficult decision may well end up making matters worse. 

If you’re absolutely sure about how you feel, please don’t waste any more time. Once you’ve been honest with your fiancée, you’ll need to start the practical process of cancelling the venue, telling all the guests, and returning any gifts. 

You might also consider counselling to help you process all this. It’s not going to be easy.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.

Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to [email protected].

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