By Bunmi Sofola
The event I am sharing with you today, might seem hilarious on face value, but embedded in it are serious issues that confront many women who find themselves in similar situation. The pains, through the betrayal of love and lack of support from the men, who brought them to the very ebb.
Unfortunately, it is sometimes a no win situation, as even the women’s decision to forge on with their lives despite all odds, may earn her more condemnation even from fellow women. The unfortunate thing is that most times, level of education, exposure and even financial status have little or nothing to do with it, once the ugly seed has been sowed. I was at my old neighbourhood in Oworonshoki a few weeks back when I received the information that one of my ‘friends’ had been severely beaten up by her husband.
Alhaji, as we fondly call him, even though he’d not made the religious Hajj rites, was a quet, gentleman and doting husband and father until he dropped a bomb on us all by taking a second wife, and bringing her to live with them in their room and parlour apartment. Their lives had never been the same after. For while Aduni’s dedication to her business continued to yield great results, Alhaji’s finances only travelled south, unhindered. Aduni, (36), mother of four children has been married to Alhaji for about 12 years. She narrates the events that led to her being flogged by her husband:
“I got married very young. My husband is slightly older than me but it is a normal practice for people from our side (Kwara). He was comfortable. Not rich, but we had enough to keep us going. I used to hawk baby wear initially until I saved enough to buy a grinding machine about seven years ago. To the glory of God Almighty that was when my luck began to shine on me. I was able to save enough to buy another machine for dry products, then a manual grinding machine. Today, I sell soaps, palm oil and groundnut oil, milk, sugar, etc in bulk. I have a big shop not too far from the house.
My problem started about four years ago when he decided to take a second wife and I did not really mind, even though we had a little quarrel over it. As you know, it is the practice among our people. I would be insane not to accommodate a second wife but that is not to say that I was happy with it. I felt I was young and still very beautiful. Also, we were doing well as a family. I was shattered but for the sake of my children, and with support of my mother and brothers, I was able to reinvent myself and dedicate myself to my work. Since I have to share my husband with another, I believe I had to work harder than before to cater for myself and children.
We were living in a single room and parlour, but when he married this woman, he rented another room for her in the same house. As I didn’t want to disturb them, I spent more time at my shop with my children. In fact, I never close until about 10.30pm or later in the night. Initially, his wife had no job, but later she began selling fake jewellery at Balogun market, in Lagos; you know those women who hang a piece of cloth around their necks in the sun. They don’t have shops oh. To me, he only belittled himself because the woman is no match for me in anyway. Right now, she is expecting their second child.
Things changed for the worst for him shortly after when he lost his job as an Assistant Chief Mechanical Officer at a manufacturing company he worked for. But due to the assistance of a woman on our street, he was able to get a small job he was managing. Then the owner of the place died and he has been jobless ever since.
Everyone in the country knows that things have not been too good especially in the last four years. But I have been managing with my children. I have never complained about him to anyone. I go my own way, minding my own business. For the past three months, he has not given me a kobo towards our feeding and I have not bothered to ask him. He does not give the children money for school or their books, I bear all the responsibilities. The other woman’s child is not of school age, so, I cannot claim that he is spending all his money on her.
However, in these hard times, she is already expecting another child. For the past three months, he’d suddenly turned on me, expecting me to perform all wifely duties that I’d since handed over to his new wife. He dictates what he wants eat despite the fact that he does not leave any money. Then, this week his demand changed from just food to unusual sleeping requests. Initially, he told me that his wife is ill and began sleeping in my room for the past three days at a stretch. When it is not even my turn. Two nights ago, I complained but he forcibly had his way.
So last night, I decided not to give in, no matter what . I didn’t know that he’d hatched a plan against me, until he started accusing me of having a lover who’d been funding my business and sleeping with me. He even went on to accuse me of fixing his late friend’s third wife, who happens to be my friend with a boyfriend. It was then I knew there was trouble, but I’d lost my cool by then and was ready for the consequences. When I couldn’t stand the abuses any moiré, I went to sit outside in the middle of the night. It was around 3.00am but he came outside and started chasing me all over the passage and compound. I shouted and called for help but no one answered. Not even the women. It was after he’d beaten me so mercilessly that they eventually came out. By then, our noise had attracted neighbours from other compounds.
I know I have no grouse with anybody, but their action have proved to me that I am living in the midst of enemies who hate my progress? Yesterday, I was reliably informed that the other women always gossip about me when whenever I am not around. The person even told me that the rumours that I have a lover has been going around for some time. I have nothing to say in this regards. All I know is that they are jealous of me. Is it may fault that things are not going fine for them? If they like, they can go and investigate the matter anywhere, I know I am not guilty and I have left everything to God. If I deserve the beating and disgrace he has given me, may God judge between us. All I know is that I cannot do more than I am doing for him. I know he wants me to be handing my money to him, so he will be doing big man with his wife. It cannot happen. All I owe him is food and when it is my turn to cook or sleep. That is if he wants it. If he doesn’t, it is fine with me. Let them face each other and leave me in peace”.
Alhaji, (47), out of job, has two wives and five children with another on the way. He narrates his own side of the story and why he was forced to whip his wife:
“Madam, you are not the first to ask me this question, the elders of the mosque too have called us. I have very little to say on this matter. It is true that things have not been going on the for some time, but I have always tried to do my best for all of them. But my wife is too jealous and that is what caused this whole problem. Ever since I married the younger wife, she has separated herself from us. She does all her cooking in the shop. She sends my meals from there, can you believe that? Even her children don’t ever stay in the house or mix with the other children who are more or less like family as we all come from the same area in Kwara State. It was after studying the trend that I decided not to assist her with her children’s education and welfare anymore. I believe she is trying to tell me that she can do without me and if that is the case, good luck to her.
That women is a devil but people don’t know. They think that since she is very nice to people and goes about her business quietly, then a must be a fault. But they don’t really know her.
The post All in a woman’s world appeared first on Vanguard News.
