The following article contains spoilers from an episode of Emmerdale that hasn’t aired on ITV1 yet, but can be viewed on ITVX.
In case I’ve not said this enough – I am in love with Emmerdale’s Kev Towsend (Christopher Coghill).
He might be the most endearingly loveable psychopath whoever gazed at their beloved through the scope of a rifle. It’s like Begbie from Trainspotting had a baby with Trevor Philips from Grand Theft Auto, grew the world’s best manbun and somehow found the time to marry Robert Sugden (Ryan Hawley) in prison.
If faking a fatal heart condition and impending death to gain early release and manipulate Robert into staying with him wasn’t enough to earn him the Meena Jutla Award for ‘Biggest Fruit Loop In The Dales’, then attacking love rival Aaron Dingle (Danny Miller) with an actual sword surely secures his place in the soap hall of bunny-boilers.
Now, he’s returned to the village, and has made his presence felt by sending Robert a Christmas card with his wedding ring inside…and a bullet. Our Kev’s nothing if not original.
John Sugden (Oliver Farnworth) is a more traditional, paint-by-numbers soap villain. The secret son of Emmerdale legend Jack Sugden (Clive Hornby), a former military medic, he was traumatised by a heart breaking loss during combat that left him with a twisted need to ‘save’ those closest to him – even if it meant putting them in danger.
John has all the precision and coldness of a surgical scalpel, whereas Kev’s more like a stick of dynamite gaffa-taped to a sledge hammer (I wouldn’t actually be surprised if this was his big plan).
Lucky for us, Emmerdale have slipped two pyschos into our Christmas stocking this year. The one thing Kev and John have in common is unrequited love. While Kev is still hung up on Rob, John’s got a thing for Aaron – his ex-husband. Both men would love nothing more than to split up our beloved Robron and keep the pieces for themselves.
Just in time for Christmas, John Sugden returned to Emmerdale with a mad scheme to win back Aaron and kill his half-brother Robert…only to discover that Kev got their first with a mad scheme of his own!
So John did what any self-respecting soap sociopath would do – turn the situation to his advantage by kidnapping Kev and framing him for Robert’s murder so he could have a happily ever after with Aaron!
Makes perfect sense, right? Only in the broken cuckoo clock that is John Sugden’s brain.
It takes a lot for Kev to be the voice of reason. But that’s exactly what happens on New Year’s Eve, when the man-bunned menace takes issue with John’s plan to blow Robert to kingdom come using a car bomb for one reason – it’s nuts.
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Instead, Kev proposes his own plan. They break up Robron. Aaron goes off with John. Kev goes off with Robert. Nobody has to die. It’s just crazy enough to work. Or at least that’s what John thinks.
Surprisingly, Kev’s not that crazy. Because the moment John lets his guard down and unties him, Kev betrays the sinister Sugden and beats seven bells out of him.
In previous episodes, John has dismissed Kev as a blunt instrument. But it’s obvious he’s seriously underestimated this particular blunt instrument, as Kev laughs heartily at him for falling for his ruse.
‘I am an absolute weapons-grade, raging psychopath.’ Kev laughs. ‘But I’m not stupid!’ As John groans and gasps for breath on the floor, Kev takes his leave. But not before literally adding insult to injury by swiping John’s last packet of sandwiches. Big power move.
Seriously, Kevster. If Robert doesn’t want you, I do…
Unfortunately, with John now seething with more burning hot rage than the Hulk, we can’t imagine he’s going to ease up on his plan to destroy Robert and claim Aaron for himself.
If anything, he’s likely to double-down and go at them even harder. It’s a dangerous time to be Robron…
