If you’d told me a few years ago that my partner and I would be putting up a Christmas tree because of a TikTok-loving, Gen Z refugee, I wouldn’t have believed you.
We wouldn’t normally get into the spirit of decorating the house for Christmas – we’re usually travelling to visit family in different parts of the country or my family in the US over December.
Yet this time last year, there we were, taking Lina*, a refugee who was staying with us over the holidays, out to choose the perfect tree.
She wasn’t familiar with the tradition of Christmas trees and was shocked that it was going to be a real one. But when it came to adding tinsel and baubles, she had a very particular idea of how she wanted it to look and in the end, she was chuffed with it.
Last year Lina has moved into her own flat and started at college. We had another guest the following Christmas and we have all guests over for dinner at times and have had people during the summer.
It all started several years ago when I read a particularly harrowing article about the treatment of asylum seekers. I thought it was dreadful, particularly the funnelling of refugees into overcrowded temporary accommodation such as hotels, and the lack of ‘move on’ plans for refugees with newly granted status (who were routinely receiving just seven days’ notice of eviction).
It felt like there was little we could do that would make a difference in this system, but we did have a spare room and so could help in a very practical way.
Our next-door neighbour in Lewisham is a volunteer with Refugees at Home, a charity that connects refugees and those seeking asylum with people happy to host them. We had chatted briefly on the subject and met some of the refugees she was hosting.
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It felt important that we sign up, like it was a way of taking direct action over one of the few things within our control. On a personal level, we felt it important to live our values and do something tangible to help individuals.
We got in touch with the charity and soon had a home visitor around to meet us and see our house. The vetting process was straightforward, and you can volunteer for any amount of time and with any type of space available.
In a matter of weeks we had our first guest, Rami*, who joined us in early 2020.
(Picture: Alex Milne)
We immediately bonded over Ru Paul’s Drag Race, cooking Middle Eastern meals and Netflix sci-fi dramas. He was only meant to stay for a couple of weeks but within a few days the Covid-19 lockdown began, and we spent the whole pandemic quarantined together. It was a difficult time for everyone, especially Rami who was anxiously awaiting an outcome on his asylum claim.
My partner Rebecca observed Ramadan with him and they started preparing increasingly elaborate meals for Iftar, which we all ate together.
Rami ended up staying with us for six months and we’re still very close. He now has his refugee status, he’s got his passport, and we’ve been on that journey with him. When his status was finally granted, we had a big celebratory dinner. He’s now working full time as a civil servant and enjoying everything London has to offer.
Since then, we’ve had refugee guests from Kuwait, Egypt, Libya and Saudi Arabia.
As a same-sex couple, Rebecca and I are particularly sensitive to those who have experienced discrimination because of their sexuality or gender identity, and most of our guests to date have been part of the LGBT community.
It gives us perspective to hear their stories because we’ve been lucky enough to not have faced anything like the stigma and homophobia they’ve had to deal with.
It’s also been rewarding to be a small part of their lives as they settle into the UK and, for the most part, are able to live openly and without fear of prejudice.
People reading this might find the idea of hosting scary, and of course we have worries every time we open our home to a new guest.
It’s easy to get caught up feeling worried about being busy, settling them in, whether they’ll get along with our dog, or be accepting of us as a gay couple. Those worries are always unfounded. It’s consistently been an easy and lovely experience.
A year ago this month, we met Lina.
She was barely 21 and from the Middle East. She is a super cool and inspiring young woman with an amazing story and has been through a lot in her life. Chatting to her about it was both interesting and heartening; it gave me and Rebecca a lot of faith in the resilience of young people and their ability to do difficult and special things.
The fact Lina wanted to do some of the more traditional Christmas things was a catalyst for us to get more into it, and on reflection it was special for us as well.
We put up a tree and various decorations. Our house looked beautiful, and it was nice to go out and do all of the festive things you normally do with younger siblings or kids that we wouldn’t ordinarily bother with.
We even introduced Lina to her first mince pie and she made festive Tik Toks for her friends with our cats and dog.
She was only supposed to be with us for a couple of weeks when she arrived in early December and moved on before Christmas, but we were happy to have her extend the stay and celebrate with us.
In the end, she was with us for three months before finding a room in a shared house and finally starting her college course. She’d take our dog on walks, we ate together every night, and completed several TV series – sometimes with the help of Arabic subtitles.
What’s special about the festive period is being able to share it with other people, and we feel lucky to have a growing family with Lina, Rami, and all our other guests around to help us celebrate.
* Names have been changed
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