Whether they’re naturally gifted or just eager to please, there are some who really know what they’re doing in the bedroom.
Recently, Metro convened with sex experts to address the fact that 32% of Brits suspect they’re bad in bed, according to a survey by Superdrug Online Doctor.
Sharing words of wisdom, we identified 11 key signs that your sexual performance might need some tinkering — and how you might go about switching things up.
So now, it feels appropriate to take a moment to shout out the sexual baddies doing all the right things to pleasure their partner.
According to the professionals, if you do any of these things underneath the sheets, you are certifiably ‘good’ in bed.
Keep reading, because when it comes to getting freaky, you can never be too in the know.
You’re not just focused on ‘finishing’
Sex isn’t a sprint — half the fun is the journey.
Gigi Engle, sex and relationships psychotherapist and resident sex expert at the dating app 3Fun, tells Metro: ‘Great lovers aren’t chasing orgasms like they’re the end-all-be-all for being good at sex.’
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Someone who’s great in bed understands that good sex is about ‘pacing, curiosity, and staying attuned to our partner’s pleasure.’
Gigi adds: ‘When sex isn’t goal-oriented, it usually ends up being more satisfying for everyone involved. And don’t forget: communication is lubrication so it’s those who are open to giving and receiving feedback that truly thrive.’
You’re comfortable with slowing things down
In a similar vein to the previous sign, anyone who’s not only comfortable with slowing things down, but actively initiates it is definitely good in bed.
While power and speed are so often centered in porn, Gigi shares that ‘comfort with slowing down is an underrated sign of sexual skill.’
People who are good in bed aren’t using speed or intensity to dodge vulnerability or slowness. They’re willing to take their time and sit in moments that feel intimate rather than immediately escalating to the next thing. Slowing down isn’t boring, it’s actually how bodies trust and catch up with each other. This is huge when it comes to pleasure.
You bring genuine enthusiasm
New positions and fun tricks are all well and good, but sometimes the sexiest thing in bed is being with someone who is genuinely enthusiastic and keen to be there.
Annabelle Knight, Sex and Relationships expert at Lovehoney, shares: ‘being present, engaged, and clearly interested is often more attractive than any specific move or technique.’
Nonchalance has never been attractive. And in the bedroom, the power of expressing your desire, whether it be physically or verbally, should never be underestimated.
You ask – and actually listen to the answer
Not everyone is looking for the same thing – and if your partner shares their preferences or asks for something in the bedroom (as long as there’s consent and communication), it’s important to not just hear them out, but act on it.
Annabelle notes: ‘The most reliable signal isn’t what you think happened afterwards, it’s whether your partner felt comfortable enough to be honest in the moment, and satisfied enough to want more of it.’
She adds: ‘Asking someone “What do you like?” matters far less than whether your behaviour changes based on what they tell you.’
Gigi expands on this, noting how ‘people who excel at sex don’t get defensive or fragile when something needs adjusting, instead, they stay curious. They understand that sex is collaborative and that every partner is different, so learning is part of the deal (and learning is actually a really fun part of sexual creativity).’
‘Curiosity keeps things dynamic,’ she adds. One of the best ways to know if you’re good in bed is if you ‘enjoy the creativity that sex involves.’
You notice and respond to non-verbal cues
In the same breath, there’s nothing sexier than someone recognising your body language and responding to it in kind.
If you’re able to ‘pick up on tension, hesitation, relaxation, and enthusiasm, and adjust in real time, without needing everything spelled out,’ then according to Annabelle you definitely have some skills in the bedroom.
Reading body language is an art form, and while it can sometimes lead to some awkward conversations, becoming in tune with your partner’s non-verbal cues can do wonders for a couple’s sex life.
You aren’t afraid of boundaries
Similarly to be adept to your partner’s pleasure, Gigi notes that there’s nothing sexier than someone who considers boundaries to be a valuable source of information as opposed to ‘rejection’ or an ‘ego blow.’
Gigi explains: ‘One of the clearest signs you’re good in bed is how you respond to a “no”. If you can take feedback gracefully, you’re definitely flying above the grade sexually.
‘People who respect boundaries don’t shut down or push, rather, they stay curious and are willing to learn and grow.’
You handle nervousness or change well
It’s important to remember that a good sexual experience has a lot to do with how someone is able to emotionally regulate and react in real-time.
If you can handle pauses or shifting arousal without taking it personally, Gigi explains, you’re creating a safe atmosphere which fuels desire.
She adds: ‘Confidence in bed isn’t acting or fake, it’s a skill we should all aim to master. And it makes you better at sex!’
You treat aftercare as a part of sex
Aftercare doesn’t have to involve a perfectly prepared Matcha and full cooked meal, but if you’re not considering it whatsoever – you’re definitely not good in bed.
As Gigi notes, ‘People who are good in bed understand that sex doesn’t end the moment everyone gets off.’
Whether it’s ‘cuddling, checking in, or having a nice shower together,’ aftercare is apart of the entire sexual experience ‘not an optional add-on’, Gigi shares.
She adds: ‘Feeling emotionally held and taking time to get grounded after sex is often what turns a good sexual encounter into one someone actually wants to repeat again and again.’
Your partner wants to do it again
This is the biggie folks.
Annabelle reminds readers that ‘being “good in bed” isn’t about having an endless catalogue of tricks. It’s about how you make someone feel: ‘safe, wanted, listened to, and fully included.’
And one of the best ways to know if you’ve done this, is if your partner wants more of it! And you!
It’s important to remember that not everyone is going to be sexually compatible, and not every sexual experience is going to be a 10/10.
But if you go into the experience remembering even half of the things on this list – you’ll definitely be getting off to a good start.
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