I’m an etiquette expert – here’s what you’re doing wrong at Christmas

Published 1 hour ago
Source: metro.co.uk
Yuletide. Chrimbo. The season of goodwill. However you want to phrase it, Christmas is upon us once again and with the big day just around the corner many of us will be finalising our plans to carve the turkey with family, share mince pies with friends and generally enjoy the festive season with those close to us. But Christmas can also be a stressful time if you’re in charge of dinner, have dozens of people to buy gifts for or have to spend time with those relatives you’ve been deliberately avoiding all year. (Picture: Getty Images/Westend61)
As with all major events, parties and other gatherings, good manners and etiquette are vital. If you want the day to go as smoothly as possible, then knowing what you might be doing wrong at Christmas – and what you’re doing right – is key. So to find out, Metro spoke to former royal butler Grant Harrold – speaking on behalf of Smooth Spins (Smooth Radio’s gaming brand) – to explain what we’re all doing wrong… (Picture: Getty Images)

1. Not checking dietary requirements

If you’re inviting a whole bunch of people to your home for Christmas dinner – or some kind of other festive meal – you’ll naturally want to impress folk with your brilliant culinary skills. But that doesn’t mean forgetting to ask about allergies or other dietary requirement because the last thing you want to do is serve up something half your guests won’t be able to eat. Grant explains: ‘When you invite people to your home, you should always ask about dietary requirements – but this doesn’t mean offering an à la carte menu. The point of asking is simply to understand what someone cannot eat, especially for medical reasons like allergies. That’s why hosts should ask for “dietary requirements” rather than “what would you like”?’ (Picture: Getty Images)

2. Not sharing your own dietary requirements

OK, so we’ve established that whoever’s cooking the festive feast should take dietary requirements into account, but at the same time neglecting to mention your own to the host and assuming they’ll cater for you anyway is just as much of a no-no. ‘If I know someone is vegan, gluten-free, or has an allergy in advance, I will absolutely make reasonable accommodations,’ says Grant. ‘But if a guest suddenly changes their diet due to preference at the last minute, when everything is already prepared, that’s much harder. Ultimately, a good host balances practicality with hospitality. If the dietary need is genuine and known ahead of time, you make space for it. If you don’t want to cater to it, you simply don’t invite the person.’ (Picture: Getty Images)

3. Getting your cooking timings wrong

If you’re not used to cooking for a big group of people, your plans to dish up a delicious turkey dinner on the day could easily go awry if you get your cooking timings wrong – meaning your guests could be left waiting for a meal that takes ages to arrive. The key thing is to practise, Harrold suggests. ‘If you’ve never cooked for a larger number of people before, do a trial run before Christmas Day. Invite a few close friends so there’s no pressure. This helps you learn the real timings and avoid surprises,’ he says. ‘And if something overruns on the day? Just make sure your guests are entertained and occupied. A happy, relaxed table forgives a slightly late turkey’. (Picture: Getty Images)

4. Not respecting your host’s rules

Everbody wants a fun, relaxed festive season, right? It’s traditionally a time to let your hair down, but just because it’s Christmas isn’t an excuse to ignore any house rules your host might have. Which means if phones at dinner are a no-no and you sit at the table scrolling, orcertain rooms are out of bounds, you need to respect that. ‘When you’re in someone’s home, you follow their rules – even if they haven’t spelled them out,’ Harrold says. ‘Phones at the table are a common issue. Some people genuinely cannot stand them being used; in more formal settings – especially royal dinners – taking out your phone is unthinkable. Phones distract from the company and the meal, unless everyone agrees to look something up together.’ He adds: ‘Rules also extend to things like taking photos, or wandering around the house taking pictures of the décor. Many people won’t mind, but some absolutely will.’ (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

5. Not bringing a present

OK, so we get that Christmas can be expensive. However, if someone is taking the trouble to cook for you and host you on Christmas Day, it might not be the best form to arrive empty-handed. ‘If you’re attending a Christmas party, it’s polite to bring something, but it doesn’t have to be too lavish,’ Harrold explains. ‘Christmas can be a lot with multiple parties, so small, thoughtful items are absolutely fine. You can tailor the gift to that specific person. For example, you might be humorous for a close friend as you can be a little bit playful.’ On the flip side, if you really can’t afford to buy a present, don’t be afraid to tell your hosts. You could always contribute in other ways, such as offering to help with cooking or clearing up. (Picture: Getty Images)

6. Starting festive arguments

Christmas arguments happen, we all know that. Whether it’s a bust-up over who’s doing the cooking, or a falling-out with that family member over politics, Christmas can be stressful. But there’s a simple answer to this: pick your battles, and don’t be that person who starts the row. ‘It’s almost a Christmas tradition that families argue, you could bet on it,’ Harrold says. ‘The best approach is to remember the spirit of the day: goodwill, patience, and keeping the peace. Go in with the intention of avoiding conflict. If you know certain topics or comments trigger someone, simply avoid them. Sometimes you have to be the person who smooths things over, stays cheerful, and keeps the atmosphere light – just for those few hours. Christmas is meant to be warm and convivial, not a battlefield, so lean into the festive goodwill and let the small irritations go.’ (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

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