The saying goes you can’t help who you fall in love with, and sometimes, we end up in complex situations.
This week’s Metro Sex Column reader was hoping to marry his girlfriend, but since he’s a Hindu, her Muslim family aren’t exactly happy with their union.
As a result, she wants to call things off, but he can’t quite give up hope just yet. Can he change her mind?
Read Laura’s advice below, but before you do, check out last week’s dilemma, from someone who’s feeling a little blue this festive season.
The problem…
Until last week, I had decided on a very big New Year’s resolution – to ‘come out’ to my girlfriend’s parents and tell them that we intend to marry.
This is a big deal to both of us, as she is Muslim and I am Hindu, so our parents, in particular hers, are likely not to be thrilled.
I met her at work, and we have kept our relationship on the down-low, as she said her parents would need time to come to terms with the idea. They’d already told her that her ‘Mr Right’ would have to be a Muslim too, someone they at least approve of, but maybe even through a marriage that they arrange.
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My parents came to this country in the 60s. A lot of my cousins have married outside the Hindu faith. But my girlfriend’s family have a different view, and although she has sworn to me that she will stand up to them, last week she told me that this isn’t the case.
She said she no longer sees a future in our relationship and is happy to go along with her family’s wishes.
I really believe we could make a great couple as we get on well in every way, but the religion issue is turning out to be a bigger obstacle than I thought.
I’m so sad that she won’t stand up for herself. I know I need to move on and forget her, but it’s not that easy. How can I get her to change her mind?
The advice…
I feel for you, but it does look as though your girlfriend simply isn’t on the same wavelength as you. She is who she is, and not who you want her to be.
Her religion, plus her relationship with her parents, is more important to her than her relationship with you. I know that’s tough to accept, but you simply can’t be with her and disregard her faith, which is integral to who she is.
You say you’d make a great couple, but I’m not so sure – you might have lots of things in common, but this fundamental issue is something you differ greatly on, and it’s hard to see how you could get past that.
However strong your feelings are for each other, it’s obvious that she doesn’t see a future with you, and you need to come to terms with that. She has decided on a position that you must respect, however hurt you feel.
It’s an old cliché but it’s true – time is a great healer. For now, you have no choice but to live through the pain and disappointment until it goes away, which it will do.
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