Struggling to get in the mood, or to turn your partner on? What if we told you lighting a very specific candle could reignite your sex life in 2026?
It only works if you’ve designated this candle as one of your ‘arousal anchors’.
The term, created by registered sexologistc Angie Rowntree, refers to little sensory delights that we train ourselves to associate with pleasure.
It’s all a bit Pavlovian, but much sexier than salivating at the sound of a bell. And of course, it only works if you’ve got the basics of strong communication and trust established in your relationship.
But if you’re struggling with low libido thanks to the usual mix of work, childcare and exhaustion, it could be just the trick.
What is an Arousal Anchor?
An anchor is any stimulus – sound, touch, word, gesture, scent, or visual cue – that’s deliberately linked to a specific feeling. It doesn’t necessarily have to be about sex.
‘For instance, you might have a specific playlist for the gym that you associate with a high-intensity workout – you “get in the zone” and cue your body up from the music,’ explains Angie, who’s the founder and director of ethical porn site Sssh.com.
‘As another example, stepping into the spa would not be complete without that signature aromatherapy smell, which immediately signals to your brain that you’re in a space for relaxation now.’
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Arousal Anchors, as Angie calls them, are sensory cues intentionally and repeatedly paired with sexual desire. That might mean a perfume that you always wear when you’re in the mood, a specific cocktail you sip to kick off date night, or a necklace you associate with a steamy weekend away.
‘Over time, experiencing the cue automatically signals the brain to “go there” and open up to arousal and connection,’ Angie tells Metro.
How to establish your Arousal Anchors
Admittedly, this part’s a bit tricky. Angie reckons the best way to establish an arousal anchor is to start using it during sex… which is easier said than done if you’re not currently getting any. If that’s the case, she recommends some solo fun, with intention.
‘Bring your partner – or yourself – to the very edge of orgasm (or to an intense, sustained plateau if that’s better for you). During that moment, present the arousal cue clearly for a few seconds,’ she says.
In other words, breathe in the candle, taste the mint, listen to the word your partner whispers, drip the massage oil onto your skin – whatever you’re trying out.
Other ways to boost your libido
Dr. Babak Ashrafi, from Superdrug Online Doctor, previously told Metro that alongside anything else that works for you, you could try the following to positively impact your libido:
Talk to a professional: If there’s a long-lasting significant drop in libido, you should speak to a GP to see if there’s anything affecting you psychologically.
Exercise more often: Staying fit with regular exercise can help boost your libido, and help out with your endurance in the bedroom.
Cut down on drinking: Many of us might be drinking more than we would normally would this time of year, which can interfere with sex hormone production and leave us feeling ambivalent about sex.
Meditate: Relaxation exercises and meditation apps would be a good place to start to try to de-stress, making you less anxious and improving your mood which can affect your libido.
‘Repeat the experience; depending on the level of intensity, you might need to repeat more – but eventually your brain “gets it” enough to “go there” into that arousal space when you experience that trigger,’ she says.
The theory is, you and your partner will soon get to know each other’s anchors, as well as your own.
‘And to be clear: you’re not out to train your brain like a drill sergeant – this should always feel pleasurable and positive,’ says Angie. ‘As always, keep the lines of communication open, and if you or your partner feel uncomfortable at any point, pause and reassess.’
