Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor should be in a Travelodge in Milton Keynes

So it seems that Britain’s least eligible bachelor is finally leaving Royal Lodge for good, but not where we hoped.

Removal fans are pitched up outside the former home of the former prince, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor. 

We know now where he will be heading off to for the moment. And no – it isn’t a two-bedroom flat in Milton Keynes.

Reports suggest that the King is yet again choosing to ignore the call from the British public and will hand his disgraced brother a new royal gold spoon.

Andrew will have a temporary let at Sandringham while another lavish property, Marsh Farm, is being prepared for him.

Frankly, it isn’t good enough. 

The public is not in debt to Andrew and it is time those sitting in ivory towers recognised this.

We don’t want to give him anything from the Crown Estate. Not a palace, not a cottage, not a converted stable. Nothing.

We were obviously naive in thinking the former Prince would be moving into anything that even remotely reflects the scale of his shame. 

Sandringham is a cosy 20,000-acre estate that comes with all the royal privileges. Complete with ornamental lakes, a main house boasting well over 100 rooms, and even the church where Princess Diana was baptised.

So, even after Andrew was sent packing, it came wrapped in velvet and delivered by footmen.

It doesn’t exactly scream ‘consequences’. But we were clearly gullible for ever thinking this was happening.

This move comes months after the ex-prince gave up his juvenile fight to stay in Royal Lodge, where he had previously been sulking.

The poor man had lost his battle to stay in a house the size of a cushy hotel. Tragic, really.

It seems bizarre that the row surrounding Andrew has boiled down to which mansion he should live in, rather than if he should even be allowed any privileges at all after his history with Epstein.

Even after all the allegations and unsavoury friendships, it took decades for the Royals to take action. Which begs the question of whether Andrew should be the only Mountbatten-Windsor in ill repute.

If you can call Andrew’s lifestyle that. 

It feels like Andrew’s demotion from Prince was a token gesture to appease the public, while he continued his life of luxury.

You could argue his eviction was reality, eventually catching up with a man who lived in fantasyland, but in reality his consequences are minor. 

His reputation will rightly never recover, but his lifestyle is still fit for a Prince. 

Andrew has played by his own rules for decades. He always thought he was the exception, cushioned by his coddling mother, as the queen’s favorite son.

He was the Prince who could talk, bluff, or sweat his way out of anything. And it seems he has yet again. 

To me, the Prince is lucky to be a free man, never mind keeping his riches. 

But if the public purse must see that he gets housed, let’s at least be reasonable. 

As I’ve said, I can’t think of anything better than a two-bedroom flat in Milton Keynes, with a view over the infamous ring road system that has seen the town dubbed ‘Satan’s layby.’

Maybe Andrew will be rejuvenated by waiting in the post office, dealing with GP receptionists and struggling with unexpected items in his bagging area.  

He could always hide out in a Travelodge room for a month, Alan Partridge-style. 

Dressing gown, mini kettle, despair.

Or perhaps he sleeps rough on the steps of Buckingham Palace. ‘Homeless but honourable!’ scribbled on a bit of cardboard. Stranger things have happened outside there.

Anything’s better than the taxpayer giving him another mansion.

If he wants a house, he can rent one. He can deal with letting agents, pay a deposit, and panic when the boiler breaks.

Apparently, the Royal’s patience has ‘worn thin’. Good. It’s about time. 

But if that’s what ‘worn thin’ looks like in the House of Windsor, forgive the rest of us for not clapping.

He was spared a trial, but he hasn’t won sympathy.

Either way, he’ll survive. He’s got money and mates in high places, but what he’s missing, and always has, is perspective.

The monarchy has protected itself, yet again, keeping the once-Prince coddled, polished, and untouchable.

Because at the end of all the travesty, there are victims. Women whose lives were ruined, while men such as Andrew, at the very least, continued to maintain friendships with the perpetrators. 

Until Andrew is truly removed from the lavish lifestyle to which he has become accustomed, there will be no sense of justice. 

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